Life Lessons

I have been a mother for 3 ½ years now.  I am not going to lie, it is exhausting.  I used to complain about homework deadlines and long shifts at work, but that was nothing compared to the stress of realizing that it is your kid’s bedtime and you have no idea where her security blanket is.  While I am still hoping that someday I will get this whole mothering thing figured out, here is some of the life lessons I have learned thus far.

As disgusting as it sounds, you do not need to bath your kid in sanitizer after they lick the conveyor belt at the grocery store.  My kid has licked it over a dozen times with no noticeable side effects.  Then again, those of you who have met my oldest daughter may disagree about the side effects.

Your child will inevitably take the worst traits from you and the worst traits from your husband and display them at the most inopportune time.

Barney will become your friend again…just accept it.

There will be days when your kid is going to eat a donut and cookies for lunch because you simply do not have the energy to fix her anything else.

Never ever leave an older child in a room with a younger child and a pack of markers. 

Your child will drive you absolutely bonkers with her ability to tone you out and focus in on the dancing monkey on TV.

Do not rush to teach your kid how to get dressed by herself.  Once she has mastered this skill there is literally nothing stopping her from completely stripping down in public on a regular basis.

The crazy things your kid does will usually make you laugh, but will also make you wonder if you need to contact some kind of specialist.

You will stand in line for an hour and a half to buy your kid a toy she will probably never play with.

Despite how tired and grumpy you are, one smile from your baby and all will be right with the world.