The Wuvels

The Wuvels

A children’s poem inspired by my little brother

There is a far away place,

Filled with magical things.

Where the stars are shaped like turtles,

And the kangaroos have wings.

This land has a town, unlike any other.

For the only rule was to love one another.

And instead of hellos or how do you do’s

When passing a Wuvel the greeting was “I love you”

But then one day there was a terrible quake.

And all of Wuveland began to tremble and shake.

A giant hole was formed from a falling boulder.

That created a gap the Wuvels just could not get over!

Some Wuvels were on one side, and some on the other,

Some lost their dear fathers and some lost there sweet mothers.

Centuries after centuries soon passed away.

Till a cleaver Wuvel had an idea one day.

They would build a giant bridge to unite with lost friends,

A bridge that would stretch clear to the other end.

So a bridge was built in a very quick manner,

And when it was finished they crossed with a banner

Saying “We love you Wuvles and we have missed you so!”

But the faces of these creates the explorers didn’t know.

Their fur was much longer and they had more fingers and less toes.

Their eyes were much bigger and they had a very different nose.

They were their family from a long time ago,

But they could not understand one another, not even their former hello.

Some of the Wuvels shed a few tears,

For they had been planning this reunion for years and years.

Then two of the Wuvels, one from each side,

Looked across at one another, instantly locking eyes.

She immediately fell in love with his big eyes and strange nose,

And he didn’t even notice that she had less fingers and more toes.

So while the other Wuvels turned away in despair,

These two lovers ran together without any care.

Their language was different, but that didn’t matter.

They simply cared for one another, to fill in for the chatter.

They loved one another in a tender way,

And learned from each other each and every day.

Soon all the Wuvels followed their lead,

They began to help one another with endless good deeds.

They learned about one another, and soon their language too,

But there was one thing they simply refused to do,

They soon made a new law that would not let them discover,

How to say "I love you" to one another.

Now even though they loved each other very, very much,

They found that saying “I love you” just wasn’t enough.

Acts of service became the new and improved way,

To say I love you to their friends, each and every day.

Life Lessons

I have been a mother for 3 ½ years now.  I am not going to lie, it is exhausting.  I used to complain about homework deadlines and long shifts at work, but that was nothing compared to the stress of realizing that it is your kid’s bedtime and you have no idea where her security blanket is.  While I am still hoping that someday I will get this whole mothering thing figured out, here is some of the life lessons I have learned thus far.

As disgusting as it sounds, you do not need to bath your kid in sanitizer after they lick the conveyor belt at the grocery store.  My kid has licked it over a dozen times with no noticeable side effects.  Then again, those of you who have met my oldest daughter may disagree about the side effects.

Your child will inevitably take the worst traits from you and the worst traits from your husband and display them at the most inopportune time.

Barney will become your friend again…just accept it.

There will be days when your kid is going to eat a donut and cookies for lunch because you simply do not have the energy to fix her anything else.

Never ever leave an older child in a room with a younger child and a pack of markers. 

Your child will drive you absolutely bonkers with her ability to tone you out and focus in on the dancing monkey on TV.

Do not rush to teach your kid how to get dressed by herself.  Once she has mastered this skill there is literally nothing stopping her from completely stripping down in public on a regular basis.

The crazy things your kid does will usually make you laugh, but will also make you wonder if you need to contact some kind of specialist.

You will stand in line for an hour and a half to buy your kid a toy she will probably never play with.

Despite how tired and grumpy you are, one smile from your baby and all will be right with the world.

Political Correctness Gone Too Far

            Adolescence is a beautiful time of discovery and imagination.  A time when the troubles of the world are far from your mind and having a rotten day meant nothing more than your mother forgetting to pack you a dessert in your lunch.  However, thanks to the infinite wisdom of one middle school principal, the students of St. Barnabas now have much bigger things to worry about.

            On what started off as a normal day, the students of St. Barnabas Middle School filed into the auditorium, not entirely sure what to expect.  Their principal, Miss Beverly Tobacco, looked fiercely into the eyes of those students who were brave enough to lift their heads.  A principal who was normally known for her enormous smile and outgoing personality now looked aged and cold from the wrinkles that spread across her brow.  The young boys fidgeted in their seats and the girls whispered to one another rumors concerning what this meeting would be about. 

            Miss Tobacco began the meeting by informing the students that a serious problem had erupted at their school and that it was going to end here and now.  She then proceeded to tell the students how sick and tired she was of hearing the phrase “that’s gay” in the halls and on the playground.  She talked about how, at a Catholic School, they should never persecute a group of people and always strive to accept everyone as part of God’s family.      

            Sounds like a pretty great speech, doesn’t it?  We should be teaching equality and respect in our schools and perhaps our children need to have reality slapped into their faces every once and a while.  In fact, if she would have stopped there, I would have been the first person to stand up and applaud.  In a world where hate and discrimination have become so common that middle school children do not even bat an eye at saying comments like “that’s gay” or “how retarded” taking a stand against this is very commendable.  However, when is imposing political correctness taken too far?  Well, Miss Tobacco did not stop there and if there is a line to cross, she crossed it.

            Miss Tobacco then had each student count off by five and had every fifth student stand.  It took a while, but when it was over there were about thirty students standing.  She then proceeded to tell a group of twelve to fourteen-year-old students that statistics showed that one in every five of them would grow up to be a homosexual.  Correct me if I am wrong, but don’t the majority of Catholics, including the Pope, believe that homosexuality a sin?  And what about the poor kids who were left standing.  They were now the gay kids.  Political correctness, I support, but telling my child that there is a one in five chance that they will grow up to be a homosexual I definitely do not.  Kids left school that day with tears streaming down their faces, terrified of their pending fate.    Of course, they were no longer saying “that’s gay” because they were now saying “you’re gay” to every fifth person they met.  The students of St. Barnabas Middle School were also now looking for homosexual tendencies in their peers in order to reassure themselves that they were not the statistic.  After all, this was an educated person who imparted this wisdom upon them, so it had to be true. 

            Whether these children grow up to be gay, straight or indifferent, it is absurd to tell them that they have no way of escaping the fact that they are a statistic.  That who they are is not a matter of the choices they make, but a matter of what some analyst sitting in a dusty office crunching figures tells them they should be.

            Sadly, the worst part of this situation is that the damage has not only been engraved into these young impressionable minds, but that this principal is still the principal of this school.  Because, of course, firing someone for standing up for gay rights would be a serious breach of ethics.  Never mind focusing on the psychological damage she has placed upon the children in her care.   

            So go ahead and teach my kids manners if you think they need them and call them out when they cross the line.  But please don’t push your own personal beliefs or ethics on them until they are old enough to make their own educated decision.           

The Best and Brightest

When I was pregnant with my oldest daughter Ellie, I just knew I was carrying a perfect child.  She was going to be the best at everything.  A genius, yet humble being.  An all star athlete, but also a kind and down to earth friend to all.  She would shake up the world and it was only a matter of time before daytime talk show hosts were knocking down my door to have my child perform on their show.  I had my speeches prepared.

My little angel was about two years old when I received my first wake up call.  I had gone to the bank to set up a college account for her.  Ellie stood in front of the glass door making faces and completely charming the bank teller that was sitting in the office behind the glass door.  I called her over to my side and after signing a few papers the teller who was assisting me motioned for me to go into the back office to finish the registration process.  Upon realizing that we were going to be able to go to the back office, Ellie excitedly left my side and walked face first into the glass door.  Yup, the very glass door and she had spent a good five minutes standing in front of not moments ago.  It was then I realized that we may want to aim a little lower for her.

Now that my illusion of perfection had been shattered, I began to notice more and more instances that perhaps suggested that my little Einstein/ Mia Hamm was going to hit the mark a little short of my expectations.  Like the time that she spent the entire day walking around the house with a diaper on top of her head because as she puts it, "it looks like a swimming cap."  Or the time she stripped off all of her clothes while I was entertaining some friends and then enter the room yelling "look at me, I am nakey girl."  And of course it is very hard to overlook the fact that my future athlete spends most of the day tripping over her own two feet and crashing into various pieces of stationary furniture.  It was as if I was literally watching all of my dreams and ambitions for her slip away.

But despite the fact that Ellie does not fit into the cookie cutter mold I had envisioned for her before she was born, I would not change anything about her.  She may not be the best at following directions or paying attention, but she is pretty entertaining to listen to as she tries to come up with an explanation as to why she decided to color all over her baby sister with an orange marker.  And while the reality I had envisioned for her  is not longer realistic, I feel lucky to be able to be a part of the imaginary world she lives it.  I still secretly hope we will find the thing that she is perfect at and will be able to be successful with, but for now I will enjoy the fact that she is simply perfect at being a kid.