Coloring

About once a week, I head to the dollar store to pick up a coloring book for Ellie.  She loves to color and I love that this activity usually keeps her occupied and out of my hair for a little while.  This past week, Ellie decided she wanted a blank pad of paper, instead of a coloring book.  I tried to persuade her towards the care bare and disney princess books, fearing that her choice would not entertain her for long, but she was insistent on having to have the blank pad of paper.  To my surprise, this blank canvas has opened up her imagination and creativity more than any of the other coloring books I have purchased for her.

She started by drawing pictures of her friends and family members and then asked for help in learning how to write theirs names above their pictures.  Then she moved out of the world she knew and started creating elaborate scenes from her imagination while narrating to me what it was that she was drawing. (Extremely helpful since, as it turns out, a duck looks almost identical to a killer shark chasing down a swarm of jelly fish) I found myself engaged in watching the creativity flow from my child's mind through her crayons.

Watching my daughter, I have learned that kids need so little to let their imagination's take flight.  In a world where everyone is trying to have the biggest and the best of everything, I think we all should take the time to simply enjoy a blank piece of paper and a box of crayons.

Science Experiment

My parents send Ellie and Evangeline a big box filled with easter presents in the mail.  Ellie spent about half of the day playing with the toys that came in the box and the other half of the day testing out the hypothesis that if she walks around the house with the box on her head, I cannot see her and she can do whatever she wants.  I probably did not help the scientific process along by completely ignoring her while she was in the box, so I could get some work done around the house.

Red Dye #40

You know those moms who are absolutely psychotic about what there kids eat and touch and do?  Well, I am not sure how, but I became one of them.  Go ahead and roll your eyes, it will be fitting for all the times that I have rolled mine at others who tried to sell me on this stuff.  And I am not trying to sell anyone on anything, I am just so excited about the results I saw on this experiment I did on my kid that I had to share them.  Yes, that's right, I experiment on my kid.

I will start by giving some background information first.  My mom has a photographic memory.  It is straight up freaky the random bits of information she can recall at the drop of the hat.  Anyway, when Ellie was about 1 1/2 we realized that after reading her a new book, she could read the book back to us because she had memorized what words went with what pictures.  Not long after that, we realized that she could memorize all of the words to really long songs and she would try to sing them in the same tone and pitch as the singer.  (See my youtube page if you need some concrete evidence)  Naturally, my husband and I were pretty excited because it looked like Ellie had inherited my mom's photographic memory.  But as she grew older, this ability to memorize things started to fade and while she still loved books, she could no longer recite the words on the pages.  I thought it was weird that she "grew out of it" but eventually I just forgot about it and moved on.

Around age 2 1/2, I began to be pretty concerned about Ellie.  I joked about her behavior a lot, but was secretly worried about some behavioral traits I saw in her.  She was pretty violent with her peers and was constantly getting into trouble for fighting and biting other kids.  I used to keep her pretty much secluded from other children because I was too afraid of what she would do to them.  Also, she was an absolute space cadet.  I could ask her to do something and by the time she walked three steps away from me, she would have no idea what it was that I had asked her to do.  She could not follow directions to save herself and had absolutely no ability to concentrate on a task.  At 3 1/2 I asked her doctor if he thought she might have ADD, since it runs in my family.  He told me not to worry and that she was too young to be concerned about anything.  Before I had a chance to sigh in relief, the doctor started asking Ellie a few questions and she replied by looking out the window and saying, "mom. look at all these cars out here."  What can I say, her actions spoke louder than the doctor's words.

While discussing this with a friend of mine, she mentioned that her brother used to have a lot of the same problems.  She told me about red dye #40 and the damaging effects it has on children.  When red dye #40 was taken out of her brother's diet, he was a completely different person.  Now that he is an adult, he can articulate how he would feel when he ate something with the dye in it.  He said things would go fuzzy and he would feel frustrated and confused.  To be honest, I still was not a believer at this point, but I thought I would give it a try.  Besides, putting Ellie on a healthier, more natural diet would not have any negative effects, so it was worth a shot.

So I went about purging our pantry of anything with food dyes in it.  My husband thought I was crazy, but I felt I needed to give it a sincere shot.  The first week, I noticed she was more calm, but I did not notice much else.  I was about to abandon ship, when I realized that I was still giving her some foods with dye in them.  I had neglected to check them because they were not red, so I just assumed they did not contain red dye.  Honestly, almost every snack food out there for a kid has dye in it.  Oatmeal cream pies, white cake mix, crescent rolls, chips, EVERYTHING!  So I once again went about purging my pantry and I checked every single ingredient before I purchased anything at the store.  After another week, I notice some major changes in Ellie.

Ellie began to be involved in conversations, as opposed to before where she would just randomly shout out whatever happened to pop into her head.  She could recall things that she did and she could tell my husband when he got home from work what she had done that day.  This was a big deal for me, because I always tried to have Ellie tell my husband what we did that day when he came home from work and she could never remember.  Even if we had done something really fun, like go to the aquarium, she would not be able to remember just a few hours later that we had gone there.  Now she is telling us little details about things that happened to her days and even weeks before.  Most importantly, she was able to control herself.  She is still an active child, but I do not feel like she is bouncing of the walls all day long.  She plays, but when it is time for her to calm down she can. Before I felt like there was a wall separating me from her and no matter how many times I asked her to get herself under control, it never made it past that wall.

The turning point for my husband was when her memory started to come back.  I noticed almost immediately that she started memorizing books and songs again.  Then she started doing these puzzles all the time.  We started with 24 piece puzzles, then 36, then 45 and now she is up to doing 100 piece puzzles with no problem.  She simply memorizes the picture and then can put the puzzle together without even having to thing about it because she knows where each piece goes.  Now my husband is 100% sold on the no food dye diet.

I feel really guilty that for a good chunk of my daughter's life, I was feeding her foods that were limiting her ability that drastically.  I cannot promise you that eliminating these foods from your child's diet will produce such drastic results, I can only tell you what I have seen in my child.  I can tell you that there are a lot of studies out there about the damaging effects of food dyes and they are actually banned in Denmark, Belgium, France, Switzerland and Sweden.  In the United States, the CSPI called for a ban on Red Dye 40.  Executive Director Michael Jacobson said, "These synthetic chemicals do absolutely nothing to improve the nutritional quality or safety of foods, but trigger behavioral problems in children and, cancer in anybody. (Wikipedia)

There is a great deal of information out there if you are interested in looking it up, but for me the results I have seen in my home is research enough for me.  

Morning Rush Hour

between the hours of 12am and 7am, I have: fed Evangeline twice, dealt with a kid having a coughing fit, stripped our sheets and put them in the wash because Eva threw up all over them and herself, calmed down a crying 3 year old who smacked herself in the face with a belt she was playing with, calmed down a grumpy husband who got smacked in the face with a wand that same child was playing with, protected the baby from getting her head jumped on while laying innocently on the bed, and got into an argument with a three year old as to why she cannot have popcorn for breakfast. I need a vacation from my life.

Sisterly Love

I left Ellie and Evangeline sitting on my bed with the parting words of "El, I'll be right back. Please don't hurt the baby." Came back a few seconds later to find El sitting on top of the Evangeline. Clearly I need to be more specific as to what "please don't hurt the baby" means.

Turkeys

Should I be at all concerned that my three year old can look at a living creature and talk about wanting to eat it?

Soccer

I bought Ellie a soccer ball, since she is going to be playing on a team this fall, and we went outside this afternoon so I could check out her skills.  It took her about thirty seconds to master the playing with a stick in the dirt maneuver.

The Blessing

Danny gave Evangeline a blessing about a month ago when she was having trouble with her breathing.  Now, every time I turn around Ellie is giving Evangeline a blessing.  She puts her hand on Eva's head and says a prayer. Her prayer usually revolves around her thanking Heavenly Father for Buzz Lightyear.

The Great Debate

Conversation with Ellie as she tried to convince me that she needs to sleep in my bed at night.

Ellie: "Mom, I need to sleep in your room because there are monsters in my room."
Me: "Ellie, monsters do not exist, they are imaginary."
Ellie: "No they are not mom, they have sharp teeth and try to eat me up in one bite."
Me:"Ellie, I promise you, monsters do not exist.
Ellie:"Are crocodiles real or imaginary?"
Me:"Crocodiles are real."
Ellie: "Well then there are crocodiles in my room with sharp teeth that are trying to eat me so I can't sleep in there anymore."

The Turkeys

Conversation with Ellie after she realized that the turkeys in our back yard ate the nose and eyes off of her snowman.
Ellie: "Mom, we should go out there and kill those turkeys."
Me: "Ellie, we do not say kill."
Ellie: "Ok, well then you should hold them down and I will punch them in the face."

My future mobster in the making.

Handouts

A woman in Akron, Ohio wanted the best for her children.  So, she made the choice to lie on a government form in order to send her children to a better school.  When she was caught, everyone was outraged at the fact that this woman was being persecuted.  The claims were that she was only breaking the law to provide a better future for her children and that she would not have been investigated had she not been a single black woman.  I have two kids and, believe me, I can understand wanting what is best for them.  But I think society needs to take a step back and question how we are going about getting the best for our children.

                The fact of the matter is, this woman did in fact break the law.  She made the choice to lie on the forms knowing that there could be consequences for those actions.  I love my children, but I am not about to lie for them.  What message would that be sending?  Do not lie to me, but I am going to lie to the government.  Do not cheat in school to get a better grade, but I am going to cheat these tax payers to give you a better life. 

                American’s need to stop thinking that just because they want something, they are entitled to it.  I would like to feed my kids healthier, fresher foods, but because my family is on a tight budget, I have to stick with buying whatever is on sale.  More often than not, a bag of chips is cheaper than a bag of apples, so that is what comes home.  Would I be justified in stealing groceries from the store because I want better food for my children.  Probably not.

                And how does everyone think the people who actually live in the neighborhoods with the high taxes and nice schools got there?  They worked for it.  They worked to get good grades in high school so they could go to college.  They worked in college, so they could get a good job.  I have no idea why people feel like they can screw around in life, get themselves pregnant, and then feel because of that fact everything should be handed to them.  I spent the first two years of my child life working forty hours a week at a job I hated, so my husband could finish school.  I will never have that time back with my daughter.  My daughter wore hand me down clothes and we budgeted ourself as tightly as we could and went without more often than not.  We  made the sacrifices necessary to ensure her and our future children a better life.  Yet, when it comes time for her to go to college, who do you think is going to get help from the government to go there, the daughter from a hard working middle class family or the daughter who is a minority from a low income family?     

                Societies start to crumble when we begin justifying breaking the law.  When we allow sob stories to distort the reality of the situation.  This woman had options, but she chose to take the easy way out and to lie.  If she truly felt the situation was unfair, she could have moved in with her father.  She could have signed her kids over to him, if she really wanted them to go to that school.  She could have written the school board or worked to get the law that kept her out of that school system changed so that she could legally attend that school.  But all of those options would have been a lot more work than simply falsifying information on a government form.  So did she really want what was best for her children, or did she just see an easy way into a better life and grab onto it?

                American, stop holding your hands out and start putting them to work.  Teach your children that if they want a better life, they need to work for it.  Look at the mistakes and wrong turns you took in your own life and make sure your children do not make the same ones.  Or you could just sit around and wait for someone to hand everything to you.  You let me know how that works out.   

Fashion Diva

I was pretty excited about the fact that I managed to get myself up and dressed in a cute outfit with my hair and make-up done today.  Of course, the trill sort of wore off after Evangeline threw up all over me.

Sibling Rivalry

Ellie made her first attempt on Evangeline's life.  Quite frankly, I am surprised it took her this long.

The Wuvels

The Wuvels

A children’s poem inspired by my little brother

There is a far away place,

Filled with magical things.

Where the stars are shaped like turtles,

And the kangaroos have wings.

This land has a town, unlike any other.

For the only rule was to love one another.

And instead of hellos or how do you do’s

When passing a Wuvel the greeting was “I love you”

But then one day there was a terrible quake.

And all of Wuveland began to tremble and shake.

A giant hole was formed from a falling boulder.

That created a gap the Wuvels just could not get over!

Some Wuvels were on one side, and some on the other,

Some lost their dear fathers and some lost there sweet mothers.

Centuries after centuries soon passed away.

Till a cleaver Wuvel had an idea one day.

They would build a giant bridge to unite with lost friends,

A bridge that would stretch clear to the other end.

So a bridge was built in a very quick manner,

And when it was finished they crossed with a banner

Saying “We love you Wuvles and we have missed you so!”

But the faces of these creates the explorers didn’t know.

Their fur was much longer and they had more fingers and less toes.

Their eyes were much bigger and they had a very different nose.

They were their family from a long time ago,

But they could not understand one another, not even their former hello.

Some of the Wuvels shed a few tears,

For they had been planning this reunion for years and years.

Then two of the Wuvels, one from each side,

Looked across at one another, instantly locking eyes.

She immediately fell in love with his big eyes and strange nose,

And he didn’t even notice that she had less fingers and more toes.

So while the other Wuvels turned away in despair,

These two lovers ran together without any care.

Their language was different, but that didn’t matter.

They simply cared for one another, to fill in for the chatter.

They loved one another in a tender way,

And learned from each other each and every day.

Soon all the Wuvels followed their lead,

They began to help one another with endless good deeds.

They learned about one another, and soon their language too,

But there was one thing they simply refused to do,

They soon made a new law that would not let them discover,

How to say "I love you" to one another.

Now even though they loved each other very, very much,

They found that saying “I love you” just wasn’t enough.

Acts of service became the new and improved way,

To say I love you to their friends, each and every day.

Life Lessons

I have been a mother for 3 ½ years now.  I am not going to lie, it is exhausting.  I used to complain about homework deadlines and long shifts at work, but that was nothing compared to the stress of realizing that it is your kid’s bedtime and you have no idea where her security blanket is.  While I am still hoping that someday I will get this whole mothering thing figured out, here is some of the life lessons I have learned thus far.

As disgusting as it sounds, you do not need to bath your kid in sanitizer after they lick the conveyor belt at the grocery store.  My kid has licked it over a dozen times with no noticeable side effects.  Then again, those of you who have met my oldest daughter may disagree about the side effects.

Your child will inevitably take the worst traits from you and the worst traits from your husband and display them at the most inopportune time.

Barney will become your friend again…just accept it.

There will be days when your kid is going to eat a donut and cookies for lunch because you simply do not have the energy to fix her anything else.

Never ever leave an older child in a room with a younger child and a pack of markers. 

Your child will drive you absolutely bonkers with her ability to tone you out and focus in on the dancing monkey on TV.

Do not rush to teach your kid how to get dressed by herself.  Once she has mastered this skill there is literally nothing stopping her from completely stripping down in public on a regular basis.

The crazy things your kid does will usually make you laugh, but will also make you wonder if you need to contact some kind of specialist.

You will stand in line for an hour and a half to buy your kid a toy she will probably never play with.

Despite how tired and grumpy you are, one smile from your baby and all will be right with the world.

Political Correctness Gone Too Far

            Adolescence is a beautiful time of discovery and imagination.  A time when the troubles of the world are far from your mind and having a rotten day meant nothing more than your mother forgetting to pack you a dessert in your lunch.  However, thanks to the infinite wisdom of one middle school principal, the students of St. Barnabas now have much bigger things to worry about.

            On what started off as a normal day, the students of St. Barnabas Middle School filed into the auditorium, not entirely sure what to expect.  Their principal, Miss Beverly Tobacco, looked fiercely into the eyes of those students who were brave enough to lift their heads.  A principal who was normally known for her enormous smile and outgoing personality now looked aged and cold from the wrinkles that spread across her brow.  The young boys fidgeted in their seats and the girls whispered to one another rumors concerning what this meeting would be about. 

            Miss Tobacco began the meeting by informing the students that a serious problem had erupted at their school and that it was going to end here and now.  She then proceeded to tell the students how sick and tired she was of hearing the phrase “that’s gay” in the halls and on the playground.  She talked about how, at a Catholic School, they should never persecute a group of people and always strive to accept everyone as part of God’s family.      

            Sounds like a pretty great speech, doesn’t it?  We should be teaching equality and respect in our schools and perhaps our children need to have reality slapped into their faces every once and a while.  In fact, if she would have stopped there, I would have been the first person to stand up and applaud.  In a world where hate and discrimination have become so common that middle school children do not even bat an eye at saying comments like “that’s gay” or “how retarded” taking a stand against this is very commendable.  However, when is imposing political correctness taken too far?  Well, Miss Tobacco did not stop there and if there is a line to cross, she crossed it.

            Miss Tobacco then had each student count off by five and had every fifth student stand.  It took a while, but when it was over there were about thirty students standing.  She then proceeded to tell a group of twelve to fourteen-year-old students that statistics showed that one in every five of them would grow up to be a homosexual.  Correct me if I am wrong, but don’t the majority of Catholics, including the Pope, believe that homosexuality a sin?  And what about the poor kids who were left standing.  They were now the gay kids.  Political correctness, I support, but telling my child that there is a one in five chance that they will grow up to be a homosexual I definitely do not.  Kids left school that day with tears streaming down their faces, terrified of their pending fate.    Of course, they were no longer saying “that’s gay” because they were now saying “you’re gay” to every fifth person they met.  The students of St. Barnabas Middle School were also now looking for homosexual tendencies in their peers in order to reassure themselves that they were not the statistic.  After all, this was an educated person who imparted this wisdom upon them, so it had to be true. 

            Whether these children grow up to be gay, straight or indifferent, it is absurd to tell them that they have no way of escaping the fact that they are a statistic.  That who they are is not a matter of the choices they make, but a matter of what some analyst sitting in a dusty office crunching figures tells them they should be.

            Sadly, the worst part of this situation is that the damage has not only been engraved into these young impressionable minds, but that this principal is still the principal of this school.  Because, of course, firing someone for standing up for gay rights would be a serious breach of ethics.  Never mind focusing on the psychological damage she has placed upon the children in her care.   

            So go ahead and teach my kids manners if you think they need them and call them out when they cross the line.  But please don’t push your own personal beliefs or ethics on them until they are old enough to make their own educated decision.           

The Best and Brightest

When I was pregnant with my oldest daughter Ellie, I just knew I was carrying a perfect child.  She was going to be the best at everything.  A genius, yet humble being.  An all star athlete, but also a kind and down to earth friend to all.  She would shake up the world and it was only a matter of time before daytime talk show hosts were knocking down my door to have my child perform on their show.  I had my speeches prepared.

My little angel was about two years old when I received my first wake up call.  I had gone to the bank to set up a college account for her.  Ellie stood in front of the glass door making faces and completely charming the bank teller that was sitting in the office behind the glass door.  I called her over to my side and after signing a few papers the teller who was assisting me motioned for me to go into the back office to finish the registration process.  Upon realizing that we were going to be able to go to the back office, Ellie excitedly left my side and walked face first into the glass door.  Yup, the very glass door and she had spent a good five minutes standing in front of not moments ago.  It was then I realized that we may want to aim a little lower for her.

Now that my illusion of perfection had been shattered, I began to notice more and more instances that perhaps suggested that my little Einstein/ Mia Hamm was going to hit the mark a little short of my expectations.  Like the time that she spent the entire day walking around the house with a diaper on top of her head because as she puts it, "it looks like a swimming cap."  Or the time she stripped off all of her clothes while I was entertaining some friends and then enter the room yelling "look at me, I am nakey girl."  And of course it is very hard to overlook the fact that my future athlete spends most of the day tripping over her own two feet and crashing into various pieces of stationary furniture.  It was as if I was literally watching all of my dreams and ambitions for her slip away.

But despite the fact that Ellie does not fit into the cookie cutter mold I had envisioned for her before she was born, I would not change anything about her.  She may not be the best at following directions or paying attention, but she is pretty entertaining to listen to as she tries to come up with an explanation as to why she decided to color all over her baby sister with an orange marker.  And while the reality I had envisioned for her  is not longer realistic, I feel lucky to be able to be a part of the imaginary world she lives it.  I still secretly hope we will find the thing that she is perfect at and will be able to be successful with, but for now I will enjoy the fact that she is simply perfect at being a kid.